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2013四六级备考月 写作大作战范文赏析

时间:2013-12-04 21:02:12  来源:金图教育网  作者:
 

 四级作文题目:

  Directions: For thispart, you are allowed 30 minutes to write an essay. You should start your essaywith a brief description of the picture and then express your views onwater pollution. You should write at least 120 words but no more than 180 words.

作文图题  沪友ID:卿小萱

  In this picture it show us about two fishes dialogue. We can know the water was not so fresh because the fishes can't live in there more than three days.

  From this short dialogue in picture we need though, why fish want to told other fishes can't use the water. It was obviously that the water was been polluted.

  Nowadays, with the country develop, lots of factory in order to get much money and more convenient, then put the water that was polluted into the river.

  Water is the source of full life. We need clean water,so do animals.

  Why we so selfish to make little money then make the water dirty. It also harmful for us. We should tell everyone protect animals is also means protect us.

  评分:4分

  评语:基本切题,连贯性差,大部分句子都有错误,有较多的严重语言错误,如第一句it是第三人称单数,后面的动词show应该是shows,且用法是show sb. sth.,about不需要;第二段的两句话都存在语法错误,want to told ,was been polluted等;一些句子缺少谓语,如It also harmful for us.

  沪友ID:零夕静


  water pollution

  As is vividly showed in the picture, a fish told to another fish the water of sea can't be used for three days and hope each fish knows that then to leave there. The implied meaning of the picture should be taken into account seriously. Then the reason is that the human pollute the water and at last fishes have no place to live.

  In my opinion, we need take some measures to reduce water pollution. To begin with that, we know some factories sewage in the river in order to saving

  more money. So the government should make the law to impose restrictions on the factories' discharge capacity. Secondly, we should have a award of protecting the water. In our daily life, we should use the detergent without phosphorus and so on.

  The social problem has arisen the great concern in our whole world. We must pay more attention this problems after days . At last, I hope everyone can protect our water everyday. Because water is most important for human.

  评分:9分

  评语:切题,表达思路清楚,文字连贯,但有好几处语法错误和表达不规范,如首句中show的过去分词形式是shown;第二段award前的不定冠词应该是an而不是a,in order to do sth.to接的应该是动词原形save;第三段pay attention to是固定用法,这里漏了to,而且this后面接的名词应该是单数的,after days放在这不合适,整句话可以换成We must pay more attention to this problem from now on.

  沪友ID:ltqwer123


  优秀范文:Water pollution

  As can be clearly seen form the cartoon, one fish say "do not use the water for three days, tell the others". This picture tells us vividly that the water pollution is very serious.

  What has caused this problem? It seems to me that there are several reasons as follows. Frist of all, someone throw

  the rubbish to the river. What's more, many factories were built, which caused a large number of industrial pollution. Last but not the least, the major citizens don't realize the seriousness of the phenomenon.

  In view of the seriousness of the phenomenon, effictive measures should be taken. On on

  hand, it is high time that people all over China realized the seriousness of the phenomenon.On the other hand the government should issue laws and regulations to put the situation under control. Only in those way can successfully solve the problem.

  评分:13分

  评语:切题,表达思路清楚,文字通顺,连贯性较好,仅有个别语言错误.

  经典的三段论,围绕题干的主题展开.首段从描述图片信息出发引出本文中心the water pollution,第二段首句点出本段大意,阐释造成水污染的原因,运用连接词Frist of all,What's more 和Last but not the least来引出三点论据具体说明原因.第三段提出可采取的措施,也是运用连接词on one hand,on the other hand引出两点措施,中间能运用一些丰富的短语和句式增加逻辑性.

  建议:注意一些单词的拼写,effictive应该是effective,On on hand应该是on one hand;还有最基本的三单形式,one fish say ,someone throw都是不正确的;the major citizens应该是想表达“大部分的公民”,可改成the majority of citizens;最后一个句子用倒装的形式很好,但是句子有错误,应该是Only in those ways can the problem be successfully solved.

  六级作文题目:

  Directions: For thispart, you are allowed 30 minutes to write an essay commenting on the remark “When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success”. You can cite examples to illustrate your point. You should write at least 150 words but no more than 200 words.

  沪友ID:ymde11


  The importance of success

  As is known to all, it si of great difficulty to obtain success in our life, especially in the times of knowledge and high-technology exploration Although some contend that success can be decided by a good luck the majority of people believe that when people succeed, it is because of hard work ,luck has nothing to do with success.

  There is no doubt that hard work take a significantly important part to success rather then fortune. The first and obvious reason is that every man is the architect of his own fortune. No one can require success without hard work. The reason second important reason

  should be considered that luck is not a certain factor in our life, to some extent, depending on luck indicates a lack of our skills and abilities. Last but not least success success favors those who use their diligence only by a diligent and hard process can we hope witness the ideal scene that we enjoy our success.

  From my perspective, if we want to succeed, it is no choice but to hard work. Just like a old Chinese proverb says, hard work in yourself is the first step on the road to success. Therefore I insist that diligence can bring luck rather than waiting luck. We should pay our attention to hard work so that we can succeed and embrace a better tomorrow.

  评分:10分

  评语:切题,思路清楚,用词和句式较丰富,能运用较多的复合句式和谚语等来使论证更有说服力,但是基本语法错误略多,不然可以成为最佳.如第一段有少了标点符号;拼写错误it si(it is),rather then(rather than),a (an) old Chinese proverb等;短语waiting luck(wait for sth.),require success(acquire success),还有一些句式的规范,it is no choice(there is no choice but to…).此外字数有点超过上限200字.

  沪友ID:arashi0123


  The Key to Succeed

  Many people hold a thought that luck can lead to succeed. However, I do not agree with that. I deeply believe that luck may gives you a chance but the key to succeed must be hard working.

  I totally agree a saying goes “Whenpeople succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success". Only a person works hard, can he succeed. For example, many college students do not study hard but hope themselves lucky enough to pass the final exam. This reminds me my rommate Kim. In a whole term, she do not preview before class or review after class so that she merely cannot answer others about what she have learnt. When final exam comes, she make a blessing for luck. Finally, she failed the exam. Therefore, luck could not help you but hard working is the most important thing for seccess.

  All in all, success depends on how much efforts you have made. If you wanna succeed, you should keep hard working.

  评分:9分

  评语:切题,思路清晰,文字较通顺,有一些基本语言错误.特别注意三单形式和时态,luck may gives(give) you,情态动词后面加动词原形;第二段引用Kim例子时应该用过去式,she do not 和she make错误;正确运用短语agree(agree with sth.),remind(remind sb. of sth./sb.).

  沪友ID:阿青linda


  优秀范文:The key to success

  As a saying goes "when people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. "In other words, hard work is more important than luck in the successful way. Simple as the sentence may sound, it conveys a thought-provoking notion that the key to success lies on hard work.

  The example of Edision, who was known as a diligent scientist, is a case in point. To invent the electric lamp, he devoted himself to working day and night for a long time. Have Suffered from

  enormous fatigue, he never gave up. Then he finally achieved his goal. Thanks to the effort of Edision, we now can make full use of electricity very well. At the same time, he also set a good example for us in attaining success.

  In short, hard work is essential if we desire to gain success. Only in this way can we have a successful future.

  评分:12分

  评语:切题,表达思想清楚,文字通顺,基本上无语言错误,仅有个别小错.

  第一段运用In other words来简单解释题干的那句话,然后开门见山地引出自身观点;第二段引用爱迪生的事例来支撑自己的观点,论据充分,逻辑清楚;第三段总结,强调hard work对于成功的重要性.

  建议:爱迪生应该是Edison而不是Edision,第二段中Have Suffered from enormous fatigue, he never gave up.应该改成Having suffered from enormous fatigue, he never gave up..如果是四级作文本篇作文完全可以得最高分,但是针对六级的水平,可以尝试丰富用词,运用较复杂的句式来提高整篇文章的水平.

 
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